While we arrange the second preschooler behavioural test results report for release, in order to change education as we know it forever, eliminating liberal arts completely (except for trust fund kids, of course), we have found a small line item in the upcoming legislation package.

All corporations will be required to reduce their cash holdings to a percent, on an individual level determined by the Treasury Department, generally in reverse proportion to lobbying efforts.  Any excess cash above that amount must be distributed as dividends by the end of the fiscal year or become payments toward reducing the national debt.

More as it is unveiled to us by our crafty interns wandering the halls of your clueless leaders.