In shocking news today, the U.S. president reached a compromise with Congress, agreeing to a 100% tax on all speaking fees, book royalties and presidential reelection campaign funds in order to pull his country from the edge of the economic abyss.

Murdoch’s empire claims to have Blackberry audio in which the treasury secretary says that he’s willing to sell Alaska to Russia and give up market domination rights of the Philippines and Japan in exchange for China buying all U.S. treasuries from now on, thus turning the U.S. into a regional power and a foreign freetrade zone for the Communist country.

Members of Congress will meet the compromise and allow reporters to follow them on “vacations” with donors and lobbyists, submitting all travel-related expenses and graft as 100% taxable, subtracted, of course, from their Congressional compensation packages.

This, the budget office assures us, is sufficient to put the U.S. treasury back on the plus side.