How-dee!

I was a tellin’ a friend about how my feller Hezzie is so thoughtful and so generous. “Why he gave me a mink outfit the other day,” I told her. She said, “What was it? A mink cape and a muff?” I told her, “No. It was two traps and a gun.”

A man went to the dotor for a checkup. After the examination, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with you. All you need is a little sun and air.” The patient answered, “Gee Doctor, I just got married. We can’t affor a son and heir yet.”

Somebody once asked me if they heard right that I was gonna be a cover girl. I told them, “Yes, I am.” I got the idea right after I heard a feller say, “If I had a face like Minnie Pearl, I’d cover it!”

Brother, he tried to console me. He said, “Minnie, don’t you worry. Don’t worry at all. You know there’s other things that attract men, like charm, or poise, or brains.” I told Brother, “I ain’t never yet caught a feller whistlin’ at a girl’s brains!”

Brother said, ” I’m not tryin’ to say nothin’ mean about your figure. You oughta trat your figure like it was in a battle!” I said to him, “Treat my figure like it was in a battle?” And he said, “Yeah. You oughta regroup and bring up reinforcements!”

A fellow was telling his friend about his wife. “She’s an angel!” His friend replied, “You’re lucky. Mine’s still alive.”

That’s all the news from Grinder’s Switch, courtesy of a book by Kevin Kenworthy.