“Hello. I am Dr. Acapelli. These are my medical student assistants, Ivan from Serbia and Natalya from Croatia.”

“Yes, we are a long way from home,” the assistants sing in two-part harmony.

“Greetings.”

“And you are?” the doctor asks.

“Her son in-law.”

“Then I shall examine your mother in-law, shall I not? This is an Italian opera so pardon us while we bellow in loud tones from now on. MA’AM, HOW A-R-R-RE YOU TODA-A-A-AY?”

“TODA-A-A-AY!” the assistants scream together as a chorus chorally, with a touch of colic coincidentally.

“Is there someone here who can fix my hearing aid? I don’t understand you.”

“MY ASSISTANTS TELL ME YOU HAVE PNEUMONIA-A-A-H!”

“Cough! Cough! What was that?”

“PHLEGM!!!” the trio harmonise for one minute in minuet form.

“No. I mean on your ear. Is that an earring?”

“IT IS MY MINIATURISED PORTABLE ELECTRONIC LAWSUIT-REDUCING RECORDING DEVI-I-ICE.”

“You’re wearing a piece of ice on your ear? What’s the world coming to? Did you know it costs $42,000 a month for a nursing home?”

“IS THAT SO? LET ME LISTEN TO YOUR BACK.”

“PLEASE VERIFY MY OBSERVATION, DOCTOR ACAPE-E-LLI!” Natalya spends ten minutes singing for her featured, signature solo.

Meanwhile, the mother in-law has nodded off.

“JUST AS I SUSPECTED! HER LUNG SOUNDS LIKE SHE IS SNORING!”

“SHE IS?” Ivan and Natalya counterpose in a twenty-minute duet.

“She is,” the son in-law replies offkey.

“WE MUST EVACUATE…” the doctor begins as small pellets of ice fall from the ceiling, “ALL HAIL IS BREAKING LOOSE!”

The assistants and son in-law prepare to leave the room.

“NO-O-O!!!”

The mother in-law stirs. “I think I hear a noise. Could you see if there’s someone at the front door,” she squeaks, momentarily confused about her whereabouts.

The floor nurse steps in. “What’s going on! Sounds like a lot of shouting and screaming in here. Oh, Dr. Acapelli and the Two Medical Student Assistants. My apologies. Please continue.”

“We… ARE IN A HOSPITAL!!!” all five sing to the mother inlaw.

“EVACUATE! EVACUATE! WE MUST EVACUATE HER PHLEGM!!!” the doctor ends Act I with his famous run up and down the octaves using key changes not yet invented.