• Two years from now, all new government employees will not be eligible for pension and will get no more than 10 days off for holidays.
• Current government employees who did not save sufficient personal funds for retirement are out of luck – your pension has just been reduced by 50%, including all retirees backdated to the last 10 years, and will be reduced another 10% every quarter for the next year.
• From the end of the following year to the end of the fiscal year after that, employees with more than 20 years working for the government will be given a lump sum of $20,000.  Employees who’ve worked less than 20 years for the government will be given a handwritten sign that reads, “Will work for food”.
• New government motto: “If you don’t like this government, go off and form your own.“
• Government-based medical care has been reduced to the issuance of a home emergency medical kit, which includes a box of adhesive bandages, a bottle of aspirin, a tube of antiseptic ointment, a placard that states, “We feel your pain, but realise there’s always someone who has it worse off than you do,” and a list of phone numbers for out-of-work medical personnel willing to examine/operate on you and/or your family/dependents on a low-cost cash basis (at your own risk, of course).
• Government subsidies are only available for those motivated and inventive enough to write a proposal for a business idea that has already been proven to be unprofitable without government support (including most art and pure science projects).
• Convicts will be given consideration for parole after their work in prison factories has shown to increase the bottom line in a meaningful, measurable manner.
• Because of the elimination of all government-based social services, private industry is not allowed to enforce a mandatory retirement date.
• Workers may quit their jobs any time they feel they have put away enough for living a life without depending on benefactors such as the stalwarts, titans, giants, and creative minds of industry who sacrificed themselves for the sake of society in order for you to have that cushy job you constantly complained about.
• Public educational institutions have been converted to youth-based work study programs.  Children have the option of learning under the youth-based work study programs or the prison factory system.
• Young vagrants who have refused to work for either system will be rounded up and recycled for food sent to our off-world colonies.
• Vagrants past the age of eligibility for the work study/prison factory system will be given the choice of going into the medical guinea pig program or accelerated reeducation system (in either case, automatically giving permission for their personalities to be erased), the latter making them eligible for the benefitless government or private industry job.  They, too, may opt to become off-world menu items.
• As always, dissidence is an official function of society – unapproved dissidence qualifies you for vagrancy status.
• If you question the validity of any of the above news items, you will be classified as a vagrant – unlike what your former liberal educators may have told you, there are no exceptions to these rules: win, lose, and die.

Anything you say can and will be used to improve the efficiency and profitability of the species’ primary functions.

If you believe any of this has been written in a sarcastic or satirical tone, it is clear evidence that you are in the middle of your accelerated reeducation process.  Your personality is now disappearing before your eyes.

Welcome to the new you!