“Today is my ‘usband’s birfday.”

“Hey, congratulations…uh…”

“‘is name is Benjamin.”

“Happy birthday, Benjamin!”

“Thank you.”

“Okay, class, let’s sing the song for him.  Fast, then slow, then fast.  Ready?!”

“Are you guys coming to tomorrow’s night dance?”

“No, we are going to Versailles.”

“Forsythe?  As in Forsythe, Georgia?”

“No.  Versailles.”

“Fyffe?  Isn’t that where they saw those UFOs?”

“Perhaps.  But we are going to Versailles.  Not Fyffe or Forsythe.”

“I see.”

“Oui.”

“Seems like I remember something about Benjamin Franklin living in Versailles.”

“You Americans are so obsessed wif thez Benjamin Franklin.”

“I wouldn’t say obsessed.  Benjamin, you are his namesake.  Are you obsessed with him?”

“I was named after Benjamin Spock, not Benjamin Franklin.”

“How old are you?”

“30.”

“Oh, well, that explains a lot.  I thought you were 24 or 25 and your wife here’s 21.”

“Oh, non.  I would never want to be 21 again.”

“Why not?  Young, ignorant, ready to conquer the world…”

“You Americans and your obsession with conquering the world.  No, I would not be 21 again because I would still be married to my first ‘usband.”

“Well, it sounds like an interesting story, I’m sure, but hadn’t we return to our lessons, class?”

“‘arold, this iz important, n’est pas?  Americans have a simple view of world affairs, all because of their pure and tan hysterical religious obsessions.”

“Don’t you mean historical?”

“No, I mean they way you divide the world into ebony and ivory when it is a prism of possibilities.”

“And this relates to your “‘usband,’ how, exactly?”

“‘e was French.”

“Did he see the world through a prism or rose-coloured glasses?”

“Oui.  ‘e was greatly influenced by your American points of television viewership.  ‘e thought life was a matter of cowboys and everyone else.”

“Benjamin, how about you?  You been watching too many ‘cowboy and everyone else’ movies?”

“No.  My parents were part of the diplomatic corps.  I didn’t know a television was a box you could sit and stare at until I was 10 or 11.  Even then, my parents restricted our time to watching sports that my father hadn’t been invited to attend.”

“Well, Benji, happy birthday.  Let’s get back to dancing, shall we?  You want to look your best when you’re in Versailles tomorrow, don’t you?”

“Mais oui.  As they say here in America, to be ‘right’ means holding an unchanging conservative point of view.  To be ‘right’ in France is the exclusive privilege of women.  Men get whatever’s left over.”